Tuesday, September 27, 2005

In memory of Thomas Crapper

In searching for new and revealing insights to Riga with which to regal you, the subject of toilets came to mind.

Whilst Riga does not exactly abound with public toilets, ( See picure) most hostelries will not refuse those in need. Indeed at .................. ( by now you must know where I mean !!) - they have managed to create a pub with just two toilets which are bi-sexual - do not bother looking for the Men or Women signs !

Clearly on a busy day/night this creates a serious problem, but in effort to keep the customers happy whilst awaiting the need to satisfy the call of nature, the owner ( he of diminutive stature - but heart of gold) - has installed a TV immediately above the entrance to the these toilets. Now name me another bar anywhere where such a service is provided !

In keeping with today's theme and as is my privilege, and with thanks to the BBC web site, I have have copied below an article on Toilets, which are to be discussed at a conference in Belfast ( I will refrain from any remarks as to why Belfast was chosen as the first European city to host this grand event) - Comments in red are mine

Experts debating toilet standards

Toilet experts have gathered in Belfast for a conference to explore issues of public lavatory standards in countries across the globe.

It is the first World Toilet Summit to be held outside the Far East.

Delegates come from such sectors as public health and educational authorities, hospitality and tourism bodies as well as toilet providers.

The Bog Standard (sic) campaign to raise the calibre of Northern Ireland's school toilets is also being launched.

It wants to "bring awareness of the health and learning benefits of better toilets for pupils", a statement said.

The campaign will also encourage schools to allow pupils to use the toilets when needed. ( does this mean they cannot now ?)

More than 350 delegates from the US, Europe, Australia and the Far East will get a chance to see the latest innovations in toilet technology.

These will include a brand new pop-up urinal to be unveiled in Belfast's Shaftesbury Square.
It is concealed beneath the pavement during the day( why ?), but at night it rises hydraulically for use by late-night revellers. ( The question is what time ? - can you imagine a group of revellers standing around waiting for the the thing to pop up - it paints a wonderful picture - does it not - can you imagine if it suddenly malfunctions and take the poor incumbent into the earths bowels)

Delegates will also hear presentations such as Changing Washroom Behaviour, Public Toilet Excellence - The Singapore Model and Managing Out Crime in Public Toilets.

A speaker from Indonesia will describe how a toilet relief programme was introduced following the tsunami disaster.

Those attending the Waterfront Hall conference will also be asked for their views on the Belfast Protocol, a policy document to be presented to international governments.

The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year
The first toilet stall in a public washroom is the least likely to be used: it is also the cleanest.
Most toilets flush in the key of E flat


Anonymous Mark Skid said...

What a load of s--t,David you are taking the p--s aren't you?

Up until know this Blog has been very good know with one article you have surved up a load of crap!By the way is that our friend from a Christmas Carol sitting out of doors?So Tiny Tim has resorted to demonstrating to the ladies that it is not only from his mouth that sh! you know what comes,in fact the last time I saw him he looked a little flushed!

As for the pub that shall remain nameless somewhat akin to Mr Two Jags Prescott we should call mine host (you know the vertically challenged golden hearted one) Two Bogs - -----. Indeed Two Bogs has a lot to answer for actually, certainly to those customers whose periods of unmitigated constipated agony was only relieved by the reading of the graffitti once resplendant in both bogs!

Is there no toilet graffitti artist prepared to undo the sanitised nature of these cubicles? Or a budding Rolf Harris with white emulsion prepared to emblemish the walls currently adorned with T A green? I pray that there is some Baltic Munch who could replicate the scream for all those constipated revellers or simply the scream following S-----'s crap music or another mind numbing encounter between Inter-Real Stuttgart and Liverchester Titty.

I could go on forever but I need to go now to have a "two bob bit" Maybe if I feel suitably refreshed following this eagerly awaited period of instant weight reduction I may return to this very interesting subject!

We could talk about the bar staff being paid time and a turd for overtime and oh! how about this one
"How do you get four times as many gays around the bar in -- -----?

Turn the stools upside down!"

Stools now then thats an intersting one but for another day, got to run....... bye bye.

7:12 pm  
Anonymous Mustapha Dump said...

2,500 times a year NO!Too little surely the average person has at least one jobbie a day and probably approaching 5 wee stops?

If you refer only to jobbies then your roughly right averaging out those persons sufferring from constipation and those who,shall we say, have a much looser disposition.


3:23 pm  

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