Friday, November 11, 2005

Let there be Light (s) !!

What is with Riga's Ministry of Lights - does nobody tell them when sunrise and sunset is ?

This morning at 7.30am all of the street lights in Riga went out, and it was still seriously dark - were it not for the shop window displays still being illuminated, Riga would be plunged into darkness !

Can it be so difficult to change the timers on these street lights such that we poor pedestrians can walk the street without the aid of a torch. Mind you with my 3 million candle power torch, courtesy of A... ( English who sells slightly damaged goods) - not only can I light up the pavements I can even blind the oncoming drivers who seem determined to run me over.

It is not exactly pocket size - but it certainly lights all before it !

One of the things that I am guilty of is that I tend to use "sign" language whenever I ask for bill or check at a restaurant. So despite the waitress speaking perfectly good English, or even when I try my still limited Latvian, I just cannot seem to stop myself holding up my hands and pretending to "write" a bill - Why.? Do I think she is stupid or deaf - But I know that I am not alone in doing so - hands up all those who do the same thing, particularly when we are abroad - never do it when we are at home.

Thinking of this reminded me of comments made by one of my kinfolk - Billy Connolly when he commented on the strange things we ask

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*****g right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f**k would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*****g floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f**k?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*****g does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright? Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

And ……………………. Two guys are talking and one says to the other:

"What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?"

The other one says, "I'd s**g everything that moved...What would you do?"

And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."

Having thought about these strange things we do, I may have across the answer as to why Riga's lights go on and off at weird times - Do you think there is a wee sick person in the Ministry of Lights who is watching a web cam, and when he spots all the early morning pedestrians making there way to work - "switches them off" just to see what happens ?

I would be surprised !

What can the guy in hat be thinking ?

Have a good week-end - and do not forget Rugby on Saturday at 4.30pm in secret location.

S...... (Welsh) will be there to bring tales of remorse after last Saturday - so do not mention New Zealand.


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