A grand event

Well they we were, at the appointed hour - 5.00pm on Sunday afternoon awaiting to be served a meal beyond description - cooked by the Amazing M...... (Italian - suffers from verbal diarrhea - and does not like getting his hair touched), BUT...........

Well before I go further, lets remind ourselves of events leading up to this grand occasion.

Last weekend J... ( Australian - plays with wood) and M...... (Italian) along with a few others including myself, agreed, that it would be great idea for M....... to demonstrate his incredible ( his words - not mine) - Culinary skills. So J... ( Australian) agreed with owner of "secret Bar" that M....... ( Italian) could indeed use his kitchen whereby he could produce his masterpiece.

So with all agreed we then invited a select few (everybody we knew actually) people to join this Italian feast. Responsibilities were clear M......... Food purchase and cooking - J.... Arranging with Bar owner and spreading the word - with myself acting as unpaid assistant in the case of the latter.

Now for the list of invitees - for expediency I am going only to list the name and nationality - as for the most part, at one time or another they have already been identified somewhere in of these blogs - only those who are being mentioned for the first time will get a fuller description.. For those visiting this blog for the first time -- what can I tell you - start at the beginning !

J....( Australian)
J.....( Australian / Latvian)
C..... ( Malaysian)
R...... ( Malaysian)
P..... ( English)
B..... (English)
F.... ( Australian)
? F..... girlfriend ( Latvian - Sorry I do not know her name)
V.... ( Australian / Latvian - part time builder - still trying to work out which time and which part)
L....... (Latvian - V... wife, - lovely lady, wonderful smile) - If this sounds grovelling - it is - V.... has offered for her to help me improve my Latvian language skills)

As you may gather the majority of persons in attendance were Australian - there's a lot of them about right now.

In addition there were three or four others who joined the party, but whose names I am unfamiliar with. - Apologies

In total we had 16 people in attendance - not bad for Sunday evening.

Now the agreed arrangement was that M....... would do his best to ensure that the food would be ready on around 5.00pm - two reasons for this, we can only keep the "Cretins" out until 5.30pm (when our secret location officially opens to the public) and I cannot remember the second reason, but it was a good one.

For my part I arrived just before 5.00pm - but where was the MAN ? - well he was downstairs watching the spit going round (you call this cooking) and drinking a whiskey - Not a good first sign. Anyhow he duly advised that he was running late due to :-

1. He could not get into Kitchen until 11.30
2. What the F... could he do ? - So ? ( this is a direct quote - and he does use the phrase "So" like a question - must be an Italian thing.)

You tell him he is late - He says "so?"
or another variation is
You are loosing your hair - He says "so What ?"

Ah the power of the English Language in an Italian mouth

Back to the story - The clock keeps on ticking, and whilst we continue to have a beer or two, watch the Rugby, then at 6.00pm the Football ( Man. United v Chelsea)- starts, but no food on the horizon, and the place is beginning to fill up, fortunately with very few "Cretins".

However in the expectation that it will arrive, J.... manages to organise a few tables so at least when it does arrive we will have somewhere to put it.

I make a number of checks to see all is well, and M....... assures me it will be in 30 minutes ( NB he was not specific about which 30 minutes)

BUT, and it was a big BUT, with a grand fanfare , well actually shouts of the "the tucker is here " from the Australian contingent - the meal was finally delivered.

There in all its glory was, Quail, Duck, Lamb, Chicken, - Risotto and Polenta and a sauce that you would die for.

Now it would have great if all of this had arrived at the same time, but due to pressure on the waitress / kitchen staff - it came in installments, as did the plates from which we could eat.

We have all experienced this phenomenon, or at least those of us in Latvia, when you visit a Chinese restaurant, frequently they can only manage to serve one person at a time !

But despite this small failing, which in no way can be blamed on M..... , (Although we did try) it did little to damage the appetites of the starving hordes - and so within a few minutes, the results of over seven hours preparation - was devoured.

Now whilst I have only a basic knowledge of Italian style cooking - and in answer to the question why did it take from 11.30am - 7.30pm to prepare this feast, here is the answer -

The Risotto take about 20 minutes
Sauce - another 20 minutes
Polenta about 30 minutes,

All of this was carried out in a multi-task way - so total time was only 30 minutes

Stuffing "meat" onto skewers 10minutes
Inserting Skewers into Spit - 5 minutes
Cooking Time - 360 minutes - ( It was only a little spit)

So there you have it - a total time of 405 minutes - Ah I here you say ( or at least those mathematicians amongst you) there are 420 minutes between 11.30am and 7.30pm - so what happened to the missing 15 minutes - Another mystery - but remember the whiskey (s) !

Joking aside, to all involved - Well done - particularly to M........ To whom I can now add the distinction of being the best Italian chef, in an Irish Bar - In Riga.

We all had a good night, and it was nice to see a Scotsman score a goal, albeit it was an accident.

I left at around 8.30pm - and rounded off a very pleasant evening with a stroll through the park on my way back to my homestead.

Nice Evening !

M........ has subsequently advised me that when he got home, he had a dream in which I (???? why me) was whipping him with a stick, well I say a stick, but let me in M........ own words describe the stick, or at least how it is made.

1.Catch goat
2. Cut off the Penis of the said goat
3. Extract the nerve from said penis
4. Stretch the nerve until is about one meter in length
5. Leave to dry for up to four months

To really appreciate the above ,close your eyes and just use your imagination !

Apparently shepherds in Italy use these"sticks" to herd the sheep and goats, and to punish small children.

You can just hear the Italian goat herder/father when he says to his son " if you do not behave I am going to whip you with the goats penis stick!"

I wonder who was the first goat herder to discover how to make this stick ? I expect the same person who when he saw the wild cow in field thought " I wonder what would happen if I squeezed the cows udders" .

So there we are - another weekend gone - but to all I have but one question

Has anybody seen R.. (English) ?